And you thought you were having a rough week …
- Princess Catherine of Wales, now known as Queen of Photoshop, has been sniped at for months after going into seclusion after “major abdominal surgery.” Rumors flew rampant: She’s dying. She’s divorcing William. Recovering from a facelift. She was hospitalized for anorexia.
When she released a family photo for Mother’s Day in England, millions of people with no actual lives to speak of picked it apart, revealing it was digitally edited. International news outlets issued a kill order, preventing the photo from being printed again. It was quite the scandal.
Catherine issued a mea culpa through what we can assume was gritted teeth, admitting that, like many amateur photographers, she sometimes digitally edits her photos — as do most humans nowadays. (I don’t because I lack the patience for it. What you see is what it be.)
Still, many folks jigger their photos to make them look better or different. It’s the norm now. But for poor Catherine, the rumors went wild: She has a body double. She’s in a coma. She’s started a new life in Boca Raton. (OK, I made up that last one.)
Finally, in desperation, she and William allowed themselves to be papped going to a farm market this past week. Proof of life, eh? Pity the poor princess, who can’t even convalesce in peace.
- Forget “Free Willy,” how about Gone Gator? An upstate New York man is upset after authorities seized his 34-year-old, 750-pound alligator.
Tony Cavallaro told The New York Post that state Department of Environmental Conservation agents took Albert in a raid fit for “some kind of drug kingpin.”
The 11-foot gator was seized because, per The Post, a warrant alleged Cavallaro allowed “members of the public to get into the water to pet the unsecured alligator.”
The extraction team “had full body armor and two assault shotguns … It looked like a SWAT team for a terrorist attack,” the owner said. Albert is now in the custody of a licensed wildlife agent.
An online petition seeking to reunite Albert and Cavallaro has 100,000-plus signatures. “Free Albert” T-shirts and bumper stickers are also available.
Cavallaro, who says he’s owned Albert since the gator was 8 weeks old, built an elaborate reptile enclosure in his home, with a hardscaped in-ground pool and sunbathing area. (I saw the photos. This gator lives better than some folks I know.)
Authorities said the problem was that Albert’s owner sometimes allowed visitors to jump in the gator’s pool, thus “seriously endangering the public.”
Cavallaro described Albert as a “gentle giant” who loves the company of humans. “Not to eat, but to be with,” he felt compelled to add.
Albert’s court date has yet to be scheduled. See you later, gator.
- In Australia, a realtor accidentally burned a $2 million-dollar property to the ground while preparing for an open house.
Julie Bundock was prepping the four-bedroom home in Sydney when she noticed the tenants had left some bedding outside to dry. She tossed the linens on a shelf inside the house … under a light fixture, which she switched on.
I’m not sure how electricity works in Australia, but that was enough to ignite the sheets. The house and its contents were burned to smoking rubble. This miffed the owner and the four tenants, who lost everything they owned.
Everyone had their day in court, and Bundock’s employer was ordered to pay more than $555,161 in damages.
The owner testified that after the fire, Bundock blurted, “Oh my God, Pete, I think I burnt down your house.”
I think she wins for the worst week.
